Rainy Days **

Today was supposed to be Jack's first baseball game of the year .. actually it was just a practice game .. but I was still very excited :) But since we have had an overdose of rain the past couple days, it was cancelled. Very sad, but I will live until Saturday .. OPENING DAY !

Alex didn't make prom court this year and she is rather upset about it .. in hopes of consoling her, I let her know that I was NEVER on the homecoming court or prom court .. and I lived. But of course it is very upsetting at the time. She's a strong girl, she will move on just fine :)

Jason and I got in a little dispute during lunch today .. which caused me to peel out of the parking lot and drive to my parents (before I knew Jack's game was cancelled) .. I accidentally left my phone in my car and Jason was worried about me, because it was raining out and he knows that I enjoy driving rather quickly, no matter what the weather conditions .. I know, I know .. it is not good .. but I do it. So when I finally found the motivation to get it, I had one missed call and two text messages .. all from him .. which made me feel a little better.

When I got to my parents, I talked to my mom about it .. she said I probably was just over reacting and need to calm down ..

I wound up going to his house on my way home, because he wanted to talk. So, we talked through it and everything is fine now.

Now, I am trying to study .. and his roommates are playing Rainbow6Vegas in his room .. and it is cold downstairs .. I tried. I am about to just call it quits and pack up.

We are trying to plan my 21st birthday bash in Las Vegas .. come to find out .. it is really expensive and difficult to plan .. no one can agree on anything .. AGH . Hopefully things will start falling into place soon :)

Grandpa Jim **

About 2 months ago, on Wednesday February 25th, around midnight, my grandpa Jim (my mom's dad) was taken to Lutheran Hospital by an ambulance.

The following day, I received a call from my dad .. telling me what had happened the night before and that my grandpa was not doing so great .. I may want to come up that day and see him. I told my dad that I would be there after classes that day, I had an accounting test that I needed to take.

Around 3:00 my sister Alex called me. She informed me that grandpa Jim was doing worse and she was headed up to see him right then. So, I met her at Lutheran (and had my friend Angie tell my professor that I would not be there for the test).

We got there at the same time and walked into a completely somber room .. together.

In the room was my mom (daughter), dad, aunt Lisa (daughter), aunt Karen (daughter), uncle Eric, aunt Roselyn, uncle Jim(son), and uncle Tone (son). My aunt Amy was in the hallway, we had passed her on our way in, she was on the phone with my aunt Deb (daughter), in Texas.

My grandpa just laid in the hospital bed, he could no longer speak and barely moved at all.

After being there for a little while .. (not sure of times, it is still a big blur) and nurses coming in and out checking his vitals .. my grandpa opened his eyes .. which he had not done yet .. and began shaking ..

Now, I had never seen a seizure before, but I was pretty sure that's what was happening (it was). We got a nurse to come in and she put something in his IV to prevent him from having any more seizures.

Let me tell you, I come from a fairly strong family.

I have only seen my mom cry, maybe 3 times in my whole life. And one of those times was when her mother, Ruth, passed from colon cancer .. more about that some other day. My dad has been coming and going overseas with the Air National Guard, since 2 weeks after I was born and even before they were married, and she never shows/showed any negative emotion. Same with the rest of my family, the only time I have seen them sad was when my grandma Ruth, their mom, passed.

And there was not a dry eye in the room.

Before my sister and I left that night, around 9:00, we both went up to my grandpa and held his hands. They were incredibly warm, actually they were incredibly hot. But we sat there and took turns talking to him and trying ease the tension and moods for my mom and her sisters. (Everyone else had either gone home to be with their children or went to get something to eat at the cafeteria). We both said good bye and kissed him good night on the forehead.

This was the 26th of February and my lease was up on the 28th. So, I was in the process of moving all my things over these couple days.

On Friday, the 27th, I went up to the hospital around noon. I was there for about 3 or 4 hours and I told everyone I would be back later that evening, I had some moving to get done. I kissed my grandpa Jim on the forehead and said good bye. Then took a load of my stuff to my new house, went back to my apartment and filled my car up again.

On my way over to my house again, at 7:15, I got the worst call of my life. It was my brother Jack ..

Jack: Kaiti, grandpa's dying, I got to go.

Me: Wait, what?

Jack: He's dying right now, we are on the way to the hospital.

Me: Okay, I will meet you there.

I took off like a bat out of hell in the opposite direction, to Lutheran Hospital. Of course, I got stuck behind slow drivers, but everything happens for a reason.

I called my Alex immediately and let her know what was going on (she was at Austin's, her boyfriends last basketball game). She asked me if she should come up, I told her it was up to her. He would probably already be gone by the time she made it out there and she didn't want to see him how we had the day before.

I got to the hospital and ran up to the room. And there stood my mom, hunched over the hospital bed, staring at him and crying, and saying that it was not fair.

(My mom had been at the hospital since Wednesday night and had left at 6:30 to go home and shower, change her clothes and come back up for the night and next however long. All her sisters and brothers had taken their turns going home and doing the same. Granite my uncle Jim was at his sons basketball game, but everyone else was there when he passed. She got the call not 2 seconds after she got home, walked in the door and put her purse down. My dad had lit candles for her and drew her a hot bath, so she could hopefully relax and take her mind off things for a bit. So they blew the candles out and took off, back to the hospital.)

Jack was the only one there who was younger than me, and Jessica was the only other grand kid up there at the time. She is 3 years older than me. The rest was my aunts and uncles, my aunt Deb was on the phone.

We all just sat there in disbelief, most of us cried. My dad tried to ease the tension, by talking about what a wonderful person my grandpa Jim was.

It was quite possibly one of the worst nights of my life.

So, today marks 2 months, since he has been gone, and I still feel like I am in a horrible dream, that will not stop.

I think about him every single day and usually cry about the memories a couple times a week. People say I just need to accept it and move on, but I am not sure just how I am supposed to do that.

My grandpa Jim, was one of the strongest people I knew. And with that, we were are not a family to ever really hug or say I love you. But when I went to see him I always gave him a hug good bye and very seldom said I love you.

I sent him cards, on every holiday, baked him desserts, and spent as much time with him as I could .. whenever I did not have something 'better' to do. And let me tell you that is not easy to type, but it is the truth. I regret nothing more then being too 'busy' to go spend time with him.

I love you grandpa .. and I will never forget you .. ever.

** Remembering and Honoring LCPL MIchael Ford **

3 years ago today, my dad was in Iraq. In addition to his regular job as a First Sergeant for the Air National Guard, he was working in the hospital there, on base. He had been doing it since January, when he had first arrived to the 'war'. He had several different duties, which included, but where no limited to, helping carry injured people in from the helicopters .. in the middle of the night, with no lights on .. (that way they would not be a target, for attack) he also folded blankets, got people whatever they needed, and sat and talked to them, because, they had no one there to be in the hospital with them.

On that 26th, day of April, (not sure if it was Wednesday there, as well as here or not .. or if it was morning or night .. but that all really does not matter) my dad sat with a young man (just 19 years old), named LCPL Michael Ford. He was a soldier for the United States Marine Corp, assigned to the 1st Tank Battalion, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Twenty-Nine Palms, California.

He had been severely injured while conducting combat operations, against enemy forces in Al Anbar province, Iraq.

This is really not a subject that my dad spends a lot of time, if any, discussing .. so I do not know all the details, but what I do know .. is that my dad sat there that day and held his hand .. while he died.

And to tell you the truth, he has never been the same .. I do not know if it is just because of the war in general, or working in the hospital in general, but my dad is a completely different person. I will write more about that some other time.

A couple months after my dad returned from Iraq, he was having a difficult time dealing with this, he still to this day has nightmares, about being with LCPL Ford, as he passed. But he wrote a letter to his family, telling them that he was with their son and brother, when he died, and sent his condolences. A couple weeks after that, he received a small package and in it was a silver bracelet, with no note or anything, and it had the inscription, LCPL Michael Ford, April 26th, 2006. My dad, put it on that day .. and he does not take it off.

So, this is my tribute to all those serving out great country, those who have given their time, their effort, and some .. their lives.

Please take a moment every day to remember those who are over seas fighting for our freedom .. and for their families and friends back at home .. it is very difficult for them as well.

Not for fame or reward .

Not for place or rank .

Not lured by ambition or goaded by necessity

But in simple obedience to duty

As they understood it .

These men suffered all, sacrificed all, dared all,

And died.

- Author Unknown

Final bit .. if you have a some extra money, which not many of us do, times are tough, I understand. But think of those men and women over their fighting, for us .. Pick up a few small things, put them in a box, and ship them overseas. They are greatly appreciated by all, and help to take away the pain of being far from home and family.

(Things they need and or would like to have, include .. Snacks, not chocolate .. it will melt .. mind games, personal items, such as q-tips and fingernail clippers .. magazines, newspapers, etc ..)

Thanks for reading .. and if you can't afford to do the care package thing, please just keep them in your thoughts and prayers.

** Kaitlin